The beauty in the disturbance!
It is wild how clear you can feel, hear and understand the energy of somewhere or someone simply by paying attention. The temperature changes from hot to cold and from cold to hot instantly, when you prematurely unveil an unnurtured chapter in your story to someone that is still growing in the capacity department. I remember sharing a portion of myself, desperately wanting to release the weight of walking with it any longer. That desire that gets beneath your skin and works its way into your mouth everytime you inhale is incredibly loud, heavy and all consuming. The heaviness that I thought would go away, actually was intensified. I can recall that after I shared my truth, I begin to notice that our interaction was different and awkward ( Let me just add that this information was far from warranting distance or shade). They became distant and short! before I shared they had time for conversation, etc.... This was disturbing to say the least, but a much needed lesson for me. There was a great deliverance in the disturbance. Although this was hurtful, it became beautiful because in this I evolved and I realized that I needed to be delivered from being afraid to share parts of me that could potentially help someone else walk in freedom. I realized that there was nothing wrong with sharing, but there was something wrong with my discernment, because my discernment in this matter was not functioning at its highest level. We cannot become so desperate to speak that we are not mindful of the type of audience we have or who's sitting in the front row; and front row seats should be accompanied with the ticket of time.I didn't come to this jewel of a moment instantly, no in fact I was rather upset at myself. I was going through the grieving process, full of regret; battling with my pride or perhaps maybe a metamorphosis was taking place within me. I have now enter another life class and I had to go through the rigors in the lesson so the next time I will past my test. There was a root to all of this that needed to be cut and removed so that it could never be seen erupting from the soil of my life again. Learning how to be intentional about conducting daily observations of my thought process. I have been able to really interrogate not just the thoughts or feelings that arise but explore the root of those things without being attached to them. My intentions wasn't totally grounded in authenticity in my WHY when I shared, I thought it was (all I wanted was to articulate my feelings) but it wasn't and that is why my discernment was off! To me this was an amazingly empowering discovery that I made many years ago. I had to ask myself a question and that is "Are my words empowering me or recreating a story over and over again where I manifested myself in a role I no longer want or need to play? There has been a lot of unlearning and learning since then. I had to met myself again and again a few more times to get to this place. What's the story you're telling yourself about your life in this moment? Are you stuck in a chapter that seems to be screaming "Turn the page"? or are you inadvertently reenacting events that's been washed away by the waves of the forgotten sea? For me it exhausted me! It reminded me of how I can derail my own life in tiny but consistent ways, when I am not intentional about how & where I store and process my thoughts and feelings when life happens. Then it reminded me of how dope I am. It celebrated me. It cracked me opened and held me. A full, thorough and gracious chapter to understand that you can only heal what you discover.